Oh God, I miss him

Once, he bit me with a feather duster when I was still a naughty lillte girl. I could not let it out of my mind until today. When I was growing up, I disliked him, the fact that my Mom always put him on a highest priority when it comes to meal time. He had always gotten the biggest part of the chicken, the largest crab, and a big portion of dishes was always left for him whenever he could not make it on time for lunch. He grew up to a tall and fat young man. When I went abroad to The States to continue my study, I kept recalling all those that I disliked about him. I had him in my mind all the time. Lots of food reminded me of him whenever I did my grocery and I ended buying them. At the departmental stores, all the American size clothing also reminded me of him. I ended up buying them for him too. Without realizing, I bought him the most stuff, including under wears. Those handsome admires with a V-shaped sexy body could not get my attention, instead I like looking at any tall and fat guy because they reminded me of him. Then, during my graduation, fell in love with a tall and plum gentlemen. I remember when I introduced my then so-called special boy friend to him, his remark was, "You always said I am fat, and now you are fated to marry a fat guy. Serve you right". We all burst out laughing. During Hari Raya (Muslim celebration), he never fail hugging me, kissing my forehead and touching my neatly combed hair with his big and wide hands. I disliked it then, as I had to re-combed my hair everytime. When he talked, he talked very loud. That annoyed me. When he watched TV, this big guy preferred to lie down on the floor and occupied a wide area infront of the TV room. Not only that, he wouldn't let go the remote control. That annoyed me too. He is my eldest brother, Jamal. I never know how much I loved him until the day he passed away about 2 years ago. When I reached home on that day, during the funeral, I was still hoping to hear his loud voice. the voice that used to create laughter to all of us. I wished to see him for the very last time. I missed seeing him lying down infront of the TV. I missed having someone changing the channel for us. I missed his touch. Oh God.... that was a great test from you. I've learned from it. I now value my siblings better, so are all the people close to me. You would never know when would be the last time ........