Not my grandma

Mummy,( my mom-inlaw) said to my hubby and I once, "If you could stand her for more than a month, you're the great". She used the word 'Hebat' (equivalent to GREAT). We were talking about a 93 years old lady, my hubby's grandma. Mummy understood her character very well. I addressed her as 'Nenek' (Grandma). Nenek was demanding as said, and very 'manja' ( I couldn't find an appropriate English word). She needed extra attention more that a child would need. She liked to be chauffeured around in a short car-ride, or hopped from a grandchild's house to another. She liked to munch despite having the only front tooth left. She loved gardening. She loved P.Ramlee movies. She wanted things ready whenever she needed them. She would call anyone of us to do things or take things for her. She wanted to be listened to. Why Nenek liked coming to our house? That was part of the above talks, when we were fetching her, from Mummy's, attending to nenek's call. Nenek found comfort in our small house, even if she had to share a small room with the maid or sleep at the living room. She said so. Nenek would go back to my parents-inlaw's for 2 or 3 days, then she would be back to us again for a week or two. She also said that, it was a good feeling seeing our happy faces welcoming her to the door. Ferrying her back and forth to her demand, was what we, all the grand children did, throughout her healthy days in KL, ever since she moved from Penang somewhere end of 2008. Although sounded difficult to handle, but no, Mummy, she was not at all. And, Yes, she stayed with us many more months than the expected 1. It could have been years should God had allowed. Were we the great? No, we were not. We were just 'dancing to the music'. That was all it takes. For years having her own apartment in Penang, the last thing she needed, at that age, were rules and regulation. So we gave her the freedom by reducing the No's , the Dont's and the Cannot's from our house vocabs. She wanted a garden under her own management and flower pots, arranged according her order. So, we let her took control of our compound. She enjoyed planting and pruning. So, I bought her pruning scissors and stool for her to sit. Her favorite flowers were roses. So I took her to the nearby nursery and bought a few pots of roses for her. Then I would snap picture of every bloom, for her to see and be proud of. That brought her to smile. She would ask where was I going whenever she heard the tinkling sound of keys. Often, I took her for a short ride to fetch my kids at the tuition centre. When we reached home from work, she would ask if we bought peanuts or 'muruku' or anything to munch, therefore we would have them ready for her prior to her coming. When she talked, I listened and laughed to her stories, as I know she enjoyed the attention. To her liking, I bought lots of P.Ramlee movies for her viewing. I made sure the kids or the maid operated the CD player for her, whenever she needed to watch them. But, I worked all day and couldn't spare more time to be around her then. Hence, I told my maid and my children to give her the priority, as she was old enough to the stage of we wondered if she would be around on the following day, or week or month. We gave her the attention, closest to her needs. She was turning childish. She loved being loved. She wasn't difficult to handle at all, Mummy. If one knows how to make a child happy, one would know how to bring happiness to Nenek. As simple as that. Many times, I overheard her talking about me, which sometimes made me feel uneasy to the others. She told many nice things about me. There were times, she exaggerated, actually. "If that makes her happy, let it be" I thought. That was the story started about a year and a half ago before Nenek gotten ill. For about 6 months on-and-off living with us, Nenek then stopped coming due to her worsen health problem. I figured, she didn't want to trouble us with her sickness. Still, we continued visiting her at my inlaw's, every now and then. I could still recall her expression of excitement upon seeing us. My kids miss that too. I took a photo of them giving her a massage. They love their great grandma, whom they called 'Tok Nek'. Then..sad....their Tok Nek passed away about 4 month after she succumbed to heart problem. I didn't manage to witness her last breath and didnt get a chance to whisper my love to her on her very last day , because Nenek went on the day I left for my hometown, Lahad Datu, Sabah. On the 3rd day I was back to KL, looking at the empty room where I used to see her lying there. For real.. Nenek has gone.....forever.... Back home, I miss seeing her shadow by the corner of my house, praying and reciting the Quran. I remember reciting Yaseen with her and the kids on one Friday night. I miss her voice. I also miss the aroma of her 'Minyak Kayu Putih' (Eucalyptus oil base ointment) in my house, which used to be our indicator of her being in the house. I remember her smile and her slow moves, gently swaying her way in and out of the washroom. I stll have the photo of her chair and her praying mat, located at her favorite corner of my house, where she would sit doing her prayers. The corner is now, empty. I could have written this journal earlier, but it was too much of a sadness for me to handle. It has been 8 months now, but still, thinking of her would bring me tears. I cried when I cooked her favorite dish. I cried when I passed by the hospital where she was warded till the end of her breath. I cried seeing my daughter sobbed, missing her great grandmother. I broke down to tears several times, while working on this post. Roses always remind me of Nenek. I captured those moments in my paintings. She is not my biological grandma, but the love and memories of Nenek will always be with me forever. Nenek went accompanied by love of all the family. In return, she left her love behind for us.

...Al-Fatihah...